It never rains but pours. An entire day of non-stop rain. It made me wonder how is it possible that we are not self-sufficient in water. If our water supply was cut off from the north, I wonder how long our supplies would last. If you stood by a reservoir would you actually be able to see the water level going down, draining away? I think that would be a rather alarming sight.

Anyway, I went out despite the rain. Had lunch with Quek, walked around, chit chatted. It was nice to be able to relax after three days of relentless writing. But as always, to break for too long is to invite the inertia of slacking to set in, something that must not happen now.

I've been having nagging doubts about all my papers so far. It's the little things that creep in. Maybe I wrote out of point? I didn't cover enough ground? Did I approach the question correctly? So, I've been trying to block all these irritating thoughts out. What's done is done, so be it. Right now I'll just focus on doing my best for whatever's left. And whatever's left is a lot...

Prelims, Day 3

At last, the first half is over. Well, it feels like the first half but in actual fact it's not, cos the heavier papers are after the holidays, which, once again, should not be called "holidays". Anyway, Econs was ok I think, but I've been wrong before, so I'll wait and see.

Discussing papers after the exams feels to me like the student's version of war stories. You know, the image of a bunch of old soldiers gathering around a fire or something to discuss old times, or maybe campers huddling to hear ghost stories at night? Well, exam stories are pretty much the same. All traumatizing experiences more or less.

Oh yes, today I got my adjudication certificate, so now I am a certified debate adjudicator (DA). Hahaha. I hope I get invited to judge again. It's quite fun, IF you're judging the right teams that is...

I realised that despite my praises of the arts and literature so often, my blog has no poetry. So, to add a lyrical feel to my post I shall put a poem here. And I'll put one of the poems from the comparative poetry section, since it's in Olde English and therefore feels more poetic. (I'm a sucker for Olde English, that's why I did that section. It's also one of the reasons why I use the King James translation of the Bible haha)

To my inconstant mistress

When thou, poor excommunicate
From all the joys of love, shalt see
The full reward and glorious fate
Which my strong faith shall purchase me,
Then curse thine own inconstancy.

A fairer hand than thine shall cure
That heart, which thy false oaths did wound;
And to my soul a soul more pure
Than thine shall by Love's hand be bound,
And both with equal glory crown'd.

Then shalt thou weep, entreat, complain
To Love, as I did once to thee;
When all thy tears shall be as vain
As mine were then, for thou shalt be
Damned for thy false apostasy.


Ahh, beautiful isn't it? I wish I had more time to do a more complete and dense appreciation of it, but oh well, an exam's an exam, and we have to make do. Ok, I shall go laze off now haha. I'll probably resume studying tomorrow. All the best to everyone taking prelims! God bless!

The Prelims, Day 2

After a tremendous effort, for truly it was tremendous, I got through SEA History today. Few science people will ever understand, I think, the rush of writing four essays (full fledged, not some 10 mark question) in three hours at one shot. Even GP allows for a toilet break in between. What an experience. So as of now, we have completed half of history, one third of literature, and all of GP.

Writing history essays is like a race against the clock. It's like some who-writes-fastest-wins kind of competition. Forget about checking your work. That's so secondary school. Here you want to finish your work. And of course, since this is the A levels, there is no need to check as you're expected to know your stuff, so everything that goes down the first time must be pitch perfect, so to speak. I thank God that I actually managed to finish today's paper in time. AND, write beyond three pages, at least for most of them. By the last essay I was flagging, and in any case I'd overshot on the sbq.

Now I shall have lunch, then relax for a while, before going off to revise econs. Tomorrow will be another day of writing. Three essays, two and a half hours. He who writes fastest wins! sigh...

Mr Smith just sent me an email saying we were ranked fifth after this year's debating championships. When I say "we", I mean the juniors. For some reason, after this year I'm quite reluctant to associate myself too closely with the society's current members. I'm a bit of an elitist I guess.

Fifth. That's quite surprising to me actually, because it means the school is back at its usual status in the debating world. For years now we've constantly been ranked fifth. Only last year did we manage to break into the top four, after a five-year drought. I think all the ruckus surrounding the dismal state of the team made me think they were much worse off than they are. If I look at it relatively speaking, however, then it seems fine, cos the rankings reflect a recurrent trend.

Of course, we all know that just because the ratings stay the same doesn't mean the quality's been maintained. The ranking is in fact, nominal, you might say, while in terms of real ranking the quality has gone down tremendously. It's a nationwide trend I guess. It merely confirms what I've suspected all along, that Singapore is in for a hard time next year at the world championships. It's really puzzling. Maybe in years to come 2006 will be labelled "The Lost Generation" for national debating. Unless, of course, this year's batch is merely the tip of the iceberg, in which case we're all in for a really bumpy ride.

Pissed off

I'm writing this as a warning to all and as a way of letting off steam.

This morning someone messaged me to ask how many people were in school today, and how I felt about this. Now, for the sake of public knowledge, I'm going to answer this here. Only two people from the class were here today, me and Jeremy. The reason I'm putting this here is because I don't want anyone asking me this tomorrow, because I'm going to get pissed off. I don't care that that person told me not to get agitated. The fact is, I AM agitated now, and it's preventing me from studying.

Let me make this clear: I'm FINE if people don't come to school. I don't want to come either. BUT, if you don't come, good, then just leave it at that. Don't come back the next day and ask me who was here and so on. It makes me very agitated, because to me, it smacks of gloating. I don't care who the hell you are, but if anyone asks me tomorrow about what happened today, I'm going to get very angry. If I want to talk about today to you, I'll initiate the conversation. I will not tolerate questions.

As a side note, Jeremy is open to questions. So go to him if you want to find out anything. I'm afraid I'm far more edgy than him, but that's the way I am. It's half a week to the prelims and I'm very high strung now, so I'm not going to tolerate nonsense.

And now that that's done, I can go study.

I typed out a rather angry post just now but I decided not to post it. Some things are better left unsaid. All I needed was some place to release my frustration. I wish it were all gone. I wish the exams were here and gone. I wish, I wish I was sitting in some cafe having hot chocolate, chatting with an old friend, just chilling and hanging out, without a care in the world. For the sake of my sanity I think I'll do just that soon. Maybe I should have done it today.

It's nice to be invited to judge. I signed up for the DA today. I see it as a way of keeping in touch with the circle. And, it's a rather prestigious and relaxing/stressful pastime. Who knows, one day I might be president, haha.

Sometimes, now actually, I wish I didn't have to justify each and every one of my actions.

The Age of Rebellion

I am tired, so drained by school. Today I felt so tired like never before, and after dinner just now this wave of exhaustion just overcame me, lulling me to sleep. Only a phonecall broke my dreams and brought me back to this harsh reality that there is still work to be done, and that it is far from over, and that I must still face that same cycle of anger and impatience.

It has progressed so far I can hardly spend an evening where the anger does not break forth from some slight irritation, even a questioning of the actions. You are stuck in that age of rebellion, where the world seems yours by right, and woe to them that stand in your path. Each day I pray for renewed patience, and for the light to clear the scales from your eyes that sometimes see, but all too often shut themselves in self-righteous indignation. All too often I find myself wondering how that person or this could pass Sunday after Sunday not realising anything, when I realise that such self-delusion begins here, with me, with you. I try not to judge, but each time I end up passing verdict, because I cannot but help.

I want to spend just one day at home, free from the calls of school upon my life, resting, and then studying at leisure. This week started out fine, but as it progressed I realised the competing pressures of school and revision are beginning to overwhelm the latter. I fall short of my goals because of this tiredness that sends me to sleep, yet I am forced back to school again and again, which will tire me further. I understand now why so many people just stay at home and study. The days are increasingly useless. But I will never get anywhere with parents for whom skipping school does not exist in their vocabulary. And I suppose that after all, there must be people out there who attend school without fail and still do well. Let's all hope towards the latter.

I asked Larissa to do that 7 question quiz that's been going around on blogs recently, so here it is:
Joel :
1) Joel can't scare with his stares! haha.
2) Prove to me that you aren't gay by getting attached =p
3) Red, cos you are vibrant and metrosexual i suppose.
4) The fact that you can make watching a debate entertaining. We never fail to beam when you go up.
5) First and clearest: The guy we thought was really gayy at the first debate auditions ( i'm sorry =p)
6) A elephant. Very sombre i suppose, both of you.
7) Are you sure nothing's going on between you and .... you know who i'm talking about right?

As you can see, my sexual orientation seems to be in question. But for the last time, I am NOT gay, larissa... And, if you think that there's something going on between me and you know who, then wouldn't that mean I'm straight? Oh, there's still the bi-sexual argument I guess... And in any case, the answer to the last question is NO.

I'm sleepy... Think I'll nap, then do work. Today was a really boring day...

Dilemmas

There is a crisis looming. For the sake of the greater good, I seem compelled to go down a course with no return, whose outcome it is impossible to predict, and the odds are that it will not be good. Even if the desired result is achieved, relations will be soured. And if the outcome is not achieved, relations will be soured anyway. But it seems that it must be done, for the sake of the future of this school's debating career.

But maybe there's hope? Maybe this year was just a fluke and we'll get a better crop next year? Maybe he'll do better with a bunch of intelligent people? After all, we didn't turn out that bad.

Ah well. Bad time to be bogged down with such things. They require a lot of care, effort and sensitivity. Politics. And to think I thought that I could perhaps end my two years here care-free, after having the greater part of the time plagued with it. It's all your fault owen, you reminded me...


Anyway, I think today was a productive day, apart from the little diversion in the afternoon, which was pleasant nonetheless. I finished the Middle East test, did Quoyle, which is so much easier than the bloody Tree of Man, and did an Econs test too. I think my revision engine is starting up nicely. Let's hope it doesn't run out of steam too soon.

A most sobering truth

I went to get out my BT1 progress report and compared it to my BT2 one. Apart from GP, all my grades have stayed exactly the same, including the marks themselves. The troubling thing is that while everything's the same, my strength relative to the cohort has gone down. In every subject my percentile is down, some rather substantially. It confirms only something I already knew since the results came back. Stagnation. It is that most insidious of perils. While I'm doing just enough to stay just there, everyone else is forging ahead. I suppose such little reminders are neccessary to keep me motivated. Ah well...

In other news, something happened today that made me feel rather uneasy about myself. I wonder if this society we live in makes us less human as the days go by. I realise that I'm a terrible comforter. I can listen, offer a few words of advice if they're appropriate, but in most situations I simply don't know what to do. I dislike giving cliches, and when I do offer advice it must happen in a calm rational atmosphere where the person in question is calm too, not in hysterics or tears. I absolutely have no idea what to do about tears. I think I'm too rational at times. It's not necessarily a good thing. I mean that I need to operate analytically/logically. Which explains why I'm not very good at handling emotional situations. They are never very rational, and they usually throw me off balance. Hmm, guess I need to get...more in touch with my emotions? urgh, that sounded a bit, um, gay. But there, it's a choice between humanity or robotics.

I also just realised how fortunate I am to be able to witness fireworks from the comfort of my home. I guess year after year of the same thing kind of wears off the thrill. I begin to take things for granted. But, it is still a sight, and this year I've had the pleasure of watching the whole Fireworks Festival without leaving home. One of the reasons why my father calls this his mansion in the sky, haha.

Meandering

Last night I went to the Esplanade again for the band concert this time round. Apart from the mistakes made here and there it was quite good, but I wouldn't say fantastic, because in a concert band performance a short out of place squeak has the effect of jarring me out of the experience for a while. Still, I've always liked it whenever the band plays. I loved the way the school song sounded yesterday. And, I think I like the theatre better than the concert hall. More cosy, classy and glamerous haha. the concert hall has a green decor for goodness' sake...

I have something to say about meandering. It happens whenever I'm in a group of people trying to get from point A to point B. For some reason, I always feel like I'm the only one with a sense of purpose and direction about me in such situations. The rest just mill about talking.

"So, are we going?"

"Hmm, yeah."

chit chat, chit chat, mill around, yak some more.

"Eh, can we move?"

"Yeah sure, sure. We're going."

mill, chit chat, look around aimlessly.

It is a most irritating experience. Thank God for people like Benita. It's nice to know there are people out there who feel the same way.

Ah well, I suppose at the end of the day some people will tell me I'm too much in a hurry. Perhaps, and also perhaps not.

Thanks for all the writing advice everyone :) Let's just see how things work out...

Anyway, I'm still feeling rather drowsy. I slept past 12 last night because of Rapture, which is waaay past my bedtime. So now I don't really feel like doing anything strenuous, which I hope will change soon because I want to get started on my work.

But let me comment on Rapture. Firstly I thought the theatre was fabulous. The gold and red interior looked like classical European concert hall. Then the dances were fantastic. I can't say which was my favourite, because they were all really quite nice, and they came one after another so I didn't have time to think which was better. I really liked the Singaporean one though, if only for sheer comic value. If I ever thought Musa had some shred of manliness/straightness still, it's all gone now. Last night he proved that he was utterly gay. In a good way though. At least it makes for laughs. In any case I think he's a really good dancer. His own dance was quite nice.

Ok, I'm going off now. My bed looks especially comfy suddenly...

In the midst of an intense philosophical debate over the definition of luck with Benita I turned and asked, "What's your definition of luck, Vicks?"

"Something I lack," was her reply, eyes downward, the corners of her mouth already curling upwards as laughter burst forth.

These, and many equally brainless moments, marked our time on the balcony.


In other news, I just checked out Boey Kim Cheng's new series of poems, and I hereby declare that he finally seems to have found some direction in life. At least he's poems don't sound half as angsty anymore. Rather placid in fact. I prefer the older style.

It is very frustrating for me to study so much and then be let down by the speed at which I write. The stupidity of the situation stems from the fact that I'm being constrained by a factor not easily changed. If I was being let down by a lack of content, that can be easily amended. But now, three and a half weeks to go to the prelims, can I successfully alter my writing speed? After living and writing this way for 18 years, I am now faced with the extremely real possibility that even though I may have studied my hardest and smartest and worked as much as I can, come November I might cut off from my desired grades simply because I cannot write fast enough. This is a possibility that annoys me to no end.

Others study and practice writing for essay skills. I practice writing for penmenship skills. And it is simply not easy to change my writing speed, because that involves changing my handwriting, and many people, save for a lifechanging event involving their limbs, hardly ever change their handwriting. It stays the same! Can I be expected to speed up in three weeks? And even if I am expected to (I am, actually, considering all things), can I actually accomplish it? I cannot and will not believe something this banal will actually hinder me. People don't write as much as they should because they may not know what to say. I don't write as much as I should because I can't (this is for those occassions on which I do know what to write of course).

And it is with these very frustrating thoughts that I left my IH test, thoughts that superceded ones that others would no doubt consider more important, thoughts like "Was I right? What was the correct answer?" I consider these thoughts more important too. But this afternoon, the sheer inanity of my situation blocked out all others for a while.

Past and Future

This morning I was thinking about my past and future. Not long term, just the immediate spans before and after now.

On the way to school I suddenly started thinking about NS. I think it was because we didn't have PE yesterday, and the fact that the Napfa results are going to be submitted to Mindef very soon, that got me thinking about it. Now, whenever I talk about the army, people expect me to launch into a barrage of angry attacks. They think I dislike the army so much because of the host of reasons I usually offer: It's a bloody waste of time, the regimentation sucks, I have no national pride, etc. That's only part of the story. My antagonism towards the army is only the corollary of something deeper. It is my fear.

I fear entering the army. It's a deep, primal fear that guts my system and sends my heart rate up. I avoid thinking about the army not because I can't stand it but because I'm afraid of it. Why? Because of everything it represents. Entering the army is a new environment. But it's different from any new environment. It is so fearful to me because it represents a new environment where I am completely cut off from everything I hold familiar and true. In the army, I am forced to rely upon the very thing that has never been my forte. My physical strength.

I am an academic, honestly speaking and without ego. I am an academic in that studying is my strength. Logical, rational debate is my weapon. Never in my life have I ever come close to possessing the physical strength or menace to actually pummel someone. But it has never mattered that much, save during the annual Napfa, because I have always relied on academic strength to get by. In the army however, my situation will be entirely different. For two whole years, I will be forced to constantly rely upon my physicality to survive. That scares the shit out of me because sometimes I honestly wonder if I can take all the physical training, the regimentation and the inane orders. I actually wonder if I'll physically survive BMT. I will be shuffled into a company of people I have never known, and what frightens me is that they might all be ah bengs or jocks conversing in hokkien, mandarin, every language except the one I use. There will be bullying and sabotage and teasing and embarrasment because the entire atmosphere of the army centres around brute strength, something I lack. For once in my life I will be close to helpless.

I will be stuck in an environment of constant machochism and male camaraderie. Now, I'm all for guy bonding, but when the bonding becomes all gritty and grimy and sweaty and involves soccer, something I hear army guys do very often, I freak out. Give me a library or a classroom or something that actually requires mental strength, and I'll bond all you want. There's something crass about male bonding that repells me if it involves nothing but physical puns.

So there, an early morning horror story to brighten my day. The reason I get pissed off by the SAF is because I fear entering it. For two years my mind will rot away, doing absolutely nothing mental. Even during the lectures that I hear they have they will be about assembling new ways to murder people. I wonder how many fresh faced conscripts that pass those gates each year consider the fact that they are being trained to kill. I wonder how many wives and girlfriends, no matter how proud they get on National Day as the parade marches past, consider the fact that their men are now skilled butchers.

Oh well, I guess if you can't fight them, join them. No doubt wise sages will soon enlighten me with the positive aspects of NS. The toughened body (of course), the stamina, discpline, perserverance. But having a bright outlook doesn't mean my fear will be any less.


The Past.

During Econs lecture today I chuckled to myself because I realised God has a sense of humour. One week from now will be the school's annual dance concert, Rapture, the next biggest thing on the college social calendar after Grad Night. Last year, around this time, I was in an emotional whirlwind. I think my companions through the lecture got me thinking about this again.

I shall enjoy Rapture much more this time round. Last year I sat through it with a pounding heart, my nerves on end. The smiles after were forced. My exit was as quick as possible.

Not long after I had a long sms conversation with a certain someone.

It was at this point in my thoughts that I realised, how ironically, that one year on, I sat between both of them, at ease and in peace.

God has a sense of humour, and it's at these moments that I thank Him for it.

Bring me through all my storms on eagles' wings, Father. Keep me in perfect peace.

Not quite deja vu

Yesterday I witnessed the demise of a team that was headed for destruction from the beginning. I wish my words weren't so harsh, nor so cynical, but no matter how far they've come, no matter how much they've improved, it has not been enough. They still cannot think fast enough, nor see fast enough, even hear fast enough. Next year Singapore will crash and burn in the World Schools Championships unless the potential team drastically improves. Owen and I predict they will be out by the octofinals. Given the time and amount of training they'll receive I'd revise that to maybe the quarters. But hey, miracles have been known to happen.

So it wasn't deja vu. I wonder if their seniors felt some sense of vindication as their juniors undid what we did to them last year. Dennis says they should be feeling insulted, that so bad a team won where they did not. I suppose there is logic in that. But a win's a win anyway.

Lousy debates aside, I look forward to getting into a good one myself soon. Nothing makes me feel like debating more than watching one, especially a lousy one. So, here's to the All Stars quadrangulars/tournament soon! (I hope Ms de Souza is reading this haha... Anyway give us a call and we'll book the rooms or something :) Ah, but everyone's so busy these days...

I realise that I quite like Boey Kim Cheng's style of poetry. I find the language very vivid and rich. It lacks the lyrical flowing style of classical poetry, but the free verse is strangely appealing to me. It has a strong flow in itself too.

Tomorrow will be a long day. But right now, I just feel like sleeping. Ngargh. If only we could return to a carefree life for a while. Or is there such a thing to return to in the first place?

A short and brilliant (considering how long it's been) spar made my day. Debating is like cycling, I guess. You never forget how to do it. And a dip into that pool once again is really refreshing, especially after a long day at school. I realise that everytime I watch some sporting match involving the school I somehow feel like debating after that. My own sport, haha.

So anyway, it's been a while since I blogged, and the events since then have just whizzed past me. It's all becoming a blur now, with nothing significant standing out. I enjoy the company of friends, getting over the boredom of the eternal tutorials, becoming slightly crazy in the absence of progress.

This morning I missed my stop for the second time in a month. I must stop this before it becomes habit. It annoys me, really, committing such silly mistakes.

Then later in the day I got back my Korean War script that gave me some reassurance that yes, I am making some progress, that my efforts are paying off. I musn't slacken now, nor lose pace, but the days are growing soo long, and the lessons so dreary. Our econs tutor, to put it blandly, is slowing down the class. It appears extremely ironic that a subject so concerned with productivity levels should be the one generating the least amount of it, or so it would seem. I've been daydreaming with Dai Wei about kidnapping Mr Nga and forcing him to teach our class instead. Oh for some clarity out of this mess!

I shall enjoy tomorrow. We shall be involved in hard labour, followed by PC, arguably still my favourite subject, then finally pizza. After all this I shall go off to YJ for the quarterfinals of the debating championships. I really hope they win. I want to see deja vu, and today's spar has whetted my appetite.

Anyway, this Sunday will be the More To This Life concert. I really like the dances, especially Why. It never fails to move me. And I particularly like one line in Vincent's poem.

Oh I bear the burden of a life of days

It seems really apt.


I still tremble, yet want to draw near to the fire. I think I have a phobia of the altar.

Catharsis

Today was thoroughly eventful. To begin with, it was the Council's stepping down ceremony. Now, everytime I blog or speak about the Council people expect negative things to come out of my mouth, but this time I won't say any of that. In spite of everything, if they did one thing really well, which I think is plainly obvious, it was in sheer effort and determination. So I think it was appropriate that Mrs Lim read the passage on the talents for the ceremony. So well done, thou good and faithful servants.

Derek posted the Olympic motto on the stepping down video, which ran something like, "The essential thing is not to have triumphed, but to have fought well." How typically diplomatic of the Olympics, but the battle-hardened cynic might reply, "No one remembers the first runner-up." Isn't that the beef about today's society? No matter how much we praise the effort, people still value the result at the end. Our meritocracy is not truly meritocratic in that it fails to recognise the merit in working hard, which does not always translate into good results, the one thing that the system really recognises. And I think living today really gets people down because of this basic flaw in the system: the absence of a clear link between effort and success.

This week has not been a very good week, because all the BT2 results came out. There have been great disappointments. But thank God for the little joys planted here and there: a grade better than expected, a friend to take comfort in, etc. Before I entered JC, I never truly understood the power of catharsis, but now I do. I think for me the best catharsis comes through speaking or crying. There is comfort in pouring out your woes to a friend who understands. There is comfort in collapsing into a heaving wrack of tears. But the ultimate comfort is that we are not of this world, though we be in it, and that we belong to a society higher than this, one where effort is recognised, every tear is noted, every triumphed celebrated, every valley walked with, every mountain scaled with.

And in the final analysis, there is more to this life than just grades, and even the paper chase takes on a new meaning when you know who you're chasing it for.

The morning after

This morning I woke up with a profound (should I use profound? perhaps strong would be better) sense of emptiness. There was absolutely nothing to look forward to, nothing to get excited about, nothing left to do. I said last night that I'd done my last service to the school, but I only felt it this morning. College Day was the last big event for me. I have nothing left to do but study. All the weeks in front of me now are just filled with days upon days of studying and getting back results that I don't want to get. My History is screwed, I don't know what to expect for Econs, and there's an immense amount of revision to do. On top of this, my mind blackens whenever I consider the fact that every minute that passes brings me closer to NS.

But I want to talk about the emptiness for a while, because it occupied me for some time this morning (how ironic). It gave me the realisation that for a long time, my life has just been a series of events to look forward to. So the minute I have nothing left to do, I'm done for. But this is not how it's meant to be. Where does God come into the picture then? I was wondering, because am I not supposed to find complete and utter satisfaction and joy in Christ? Of course, I think inexpressible joy cannot be found on Earth, because then no one would bother going to Heaven. But if I can feel so empty on a Saturday morning, then it makes me wonder if the focus of my life has been wrong. I don't have to wonder, really. Deep down I know. I've been very preoccupied by just living from day to day, looking forward to one event after another, that I've neglected the things that really matter. And right now, the struggle for me is to find that right balance of living for God in the midst of my daily routine.

Ah well, I don't feel so bad anymore, but I still dread going back to school on Monday morning, and settling back (settling back? or starting?) into revision mode. Well, at least there ARE some bright sparks along the way. Rapture, the band concert (during which Vicks plans to abandon me), Brendon's still-to-come dinner treat, friends. But there, see, what happens when these all pass?

There is a saying: The man who has God and the whole world has no more than the man who has nothing but God.
That gives me tremendous comfort.

The Disembodied Voice

Finally, College Day is over. No more rehearsals, no more blazers, no more standing up for long hours. All the pomp and pageantry is done, and I've completed my last service to the school. My oratorical career in SA has come full circle. I kind of like the fact that I became a disembodied voice at the end. Always wanted to try that, haha.

So, now, I can focus on my studies. I'm not satisfied with the results I've gotten thus far, and I frankly feel as though I'm stagnating or deproving in fact. I have to try harder or work smarter to move on, move higher. Ah well, to work.

Last night I had dinner with the debate alumni. We learned some interesting stuff, at length though, thanks to the story telling skills of Ms de Souza. Incidentally, If you're reading this Adrienne, you and Candice can still manage make noise at College Day two years after you've left.

So yeah, I'm very tired now. Going to bed.